You Suck

You Suck
(A Love Story #2)
by Christopher Moore
performed by Susan Bennet
Published 2007 by Recorded Books
7 hours, 43 minutes. Unabridged.
Rating: 4/5

Being dead sucks. Make that being undead sucks.

Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he’s ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody—the woman of his dreams—is a vampire. And surprise! Now he’s one, too.

For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they vow to work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers (and how much he needs to learn on his own). Plus there’s Tommy’s cute new minion, sixteen-year-old goth girl Abby Normal. (Well, someone has to run errands during daylight hours!)

Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy’s problems. Word has it that the vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn’t supposed to be recruiting any new members into the club. Even worse, Tommy’s erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.

And that really sucks.

I almost forgot how absolutely hilarious this book is. I’m so glad I decided to listen to the first two again before finally getting to the third one. I just loved Moore’s humor. It’s crude and disgusting, but so awesome.

If there’s anything that makes this book better than the first in the trilogy, it Abby Normal. She is the best character ever. She totally outshines the animals, who were the ones that did it for me in the first book. Her desperate efforts at goth are just too funny. I can’t wait for more of her in the next book.

Things get a little crazier in this book. There are a couple of new characters, like Abby and Blue. I don’t care much for Blue. I mean, I’m not supposed to. She’s crazy and totally bloodthirsty. Well, I guess really she’s worried about money more than anything else, but she has no conscience, whatsoever. The animals are still funny, but they can’t hold a candle to the part of the plot involving Tommy, Jody, and Abby. They’re the real stars of this one.

Susan Bennett did such a great job with the first two books. I’m looking forward her performance in the next book. It should be pretty funny, with the vampiric cats and all. If you need a laugh, I highly recommend this trilogy.

This book contains explicit profanity, violence, and sexual content.

Here are some of Abby’s best quotes from the book:

So I, like, slept til eleven because we’re on Christmas break. Only, it’s called winter break now because Jesus is an oppressive zombie bastard, and we do not bow down to his birthday.

So, like, first thing: I made some toast, and it burned as black as my soul. And I was so bummed that my tears of despair felt like cold bits of crystal to be desroyed on the unforgiving rocks of this miserable life.

He’s like the year of the rabbit and I’m a Leo so we’re even star-crossed, and it’s a known fact that lions and rabbits have a strained relationship.

If we had moors, I would so be off brooding upon one, my delicate jaw muscles clenched as I stared off into the mist feeling my profound missingness for him. I can’t believe that San Francisco doesn’t have a moor.

Source: Trussville Public Library. Trussville, AL.
Author’s website:
Purchase this book: Book Depository | IndieBound | Audible

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